Buzzfeed Essay Critique

My article is 35 Things Every Engineer Has to Deal With In College. The website link is http://www.buzzfeed.com/jmzarina/35-things-every-engineer-has-to-deal-with-in-colle-bs9p. I think the author was very accurate in describing engineering students, even though this is my first year as an engineering student myself. The author was not that original in describing the community. The majority of engineering students could list off these ideas very similar to these memes, and they could possibly even think of more. The author did do an excellent job of using pictures to enforce the idea of the meme’s title. I think the author was somewhat wrong in describing successful engineering students, because there were no accurate memes describing them. The relationship between the text and pictures was very effective in several ways. The text was very accurate for describing certain scenarios, while the pictures were funny and interesting. The text draws the reader in and the pictures enforce the idea through comedy. I personally liked the meme describing how students feel about their tests, because it uses the T.V. show, The Office, as the picture. I like The Office and it made the meme more enjoyably for me personally. I would change the picture for meme 22, which references solving partial differentials in a person’s sleep. The picture would only relate to students in advanced math classes and was not particular comical. I would replace it with a picture of a person doing something in his or her sleep. My favorite meme was the last one referencing that engineering students love their major. A list of comical memes led up to this last one and was poking fun at engineering in general. This last meme is a more serious one that basically says that engineers have to deal with a bunch of negative things with their major, but in the end they love it and it is worth it. 

Blog Post #8 (Essay Revisions)

My final paper is going to need revisions to change the focus of the paper in order to make it easier to understand and a more in depth analysis of specific topics. One of the first points that I will be changing in my essay is my focus on the different cultures in the Johnson Center. Instead of focusing on the regular gym patrons, new gym patrons, and staff, I will be focusing more on the new patrons. There will still be some focus on the other cultures, especially in how they interact with the new gym patrons. However, the roles of these cultures in my essay will be severely cut back. I’m doing this to make the essay flow better and easier to understand, because it was confusing when all three cultures were being equally presented. Another point that I will be changing is my use of sources. Instead of using five scholarly sources, I am going to change two or three for other sources, such as from the Johnson Center’s website or a fitness magazine. The scholarly sources were difficult to incorporate into the essay, and I feel that using these other types of sources will make my argument more effective, because they can provide supporting evidence that fits better with my thesis. These sources can also be incorporated into different sections of my paper, whereas some of my scholarly sources could only be used in one particular section. Another point I will be revising is to rearrange paragraphs and adding additional paragraphs. My paper could flow better and my argument could be better represented if paragraphs are moved, or if a paragraph is added to elaborate on a previously mentioned point. This would allow more evidence to be used to back up my argument, while giving more in depth views of a specific point with the help of a source or elaboration. I could also add additional paragraphs to describe the Johnson Center in more detail. I feel that I did not adequately describe the physical aspects of the Johnson Center in my rough draft. 

Blog Post 7

The secondary source I found is a journal article from the Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise Journal. It is about how the intensity and duration of exercise differs between who the exercise is being conducted with, where the exercise is taking place, and the age of the person exercising. This is a very credible source for me to use in my ethnography essay, because it is from a professional journal that has been around for a decent amount of time. Another way that this source is credible is that the study conducted took place over a four-year span, giving an ample amount of data to be analyzed for the results of the study. I can use this source to describe how the intensity and duration of exercise taking place at the Johnson Center changes depending on the factors described in the article and how working out at the Johnson Center can be better than working out at home or in an outdoor setting. I am planning to incorporate the quote, “A greater percentage of sports and exercise bouts performed alone (36%) were vigorous compared with bouts occurring with family members (18%), friends/acquaintances (30%), coworkers (25%), or multiple categories (19%),” because it shows statistics of how the intensity of exercise can change depending if it is performed alone or with others, which could go along with the social aspect of my analysis of the Johnson Center.

Citation:

F. Dunton, Genevieve, David Berrigan, Rachel Ballard-Barbash, Barry I. Graubard, and Audie A. Atienza. "Environmental Influences On Exercise Intensity And Duration In A U.S. Time Use Study." Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise 41.9 (2009): 1698-1705. Print.